thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
