I got chris browned last night
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
