No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Green mimosas i think yes
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
