She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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