I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
