He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
