I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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