I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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