why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
