what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
