Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
