He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
