then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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