I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Come on in and take your pants off
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