@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
