My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
