Whod you bang
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
