at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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