Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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