I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Randomize
