i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
