Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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