Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
