Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
