my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
