after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
