drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
