The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
