I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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