hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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