Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
