Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize