Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
