Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
