basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
