I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
