pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
