Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize