then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We had sex on a dog bed..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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