Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
