20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
