How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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