He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
