All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
