Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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