i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
