is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
