He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
