I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I had to cum in my sink.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
