ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
