remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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