he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
