By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
