I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
