I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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