it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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