my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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