Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
