well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
