It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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