tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize