I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize