dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
