I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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