I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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