It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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