You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
two words...techno handjob
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
