you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's no shave November. This is our time.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
