it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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