guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
