tell your sister to shave her snatch
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
